The Michigan Squish is a swinging new dance that’s taking the rage by country!

As everyone knows by now, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer is of an extraterrestrial lizard-tyrant species; you can plainly see her hairline starts behind the mask. She is also a lawbreaker.

So three lawmakers in the Michigan State House introduced Articles of Impeachment.

Then they lit the disco ball
And the dancers one and all
Got swingin’ to the Michigan Squish

The Republican House Speaker is a fellow named Lee Chatfield. “What’s that?” I asked over the phone. “Leech Hatfield?” Anyway this Chatfield guy said,

“[Impeachment is a] distraction from the real things we have to get done in our state.

“We’re not the party that impeaches someone because we’re upset with policies that they’ve enacted…I thought it was shameful what the Democrats did to President Trump last last year, and I would I would assume that any attempt by Republicans right now, with the current set of facts that we have to impeach the governor, would be on the same level.”

Chatfield and Republican Senate Majority Leader Mike Shirkey said they were frustrated that the governor had ordered the partial shutdown on her own but said they were eager to work in a “bipartisan way.”

The Michigan Squish is kind of like Lambada, but with two men.

I’m going to shout this very slowly: the reason to impeach Whitmer isn’t because you don’t agree with her policies. It’s because she’s violating Michigan law and the Michigan Constitution. That’s what the impeachment remedy is for, you glibbering poltroons.

And if impeachment really is a distraction, wouldn’t a “bipartisan” effort be even more of a distraction?

And what’s this “we are not the party to do something like that” hockey? The other party wins by all means and at all costs, but winning is just not who we are in Michigan, I guess.

Leading to the final insult: comparing Trump’s impeachment, which was a pure political spectacle with zero basis in fact, reason, or law, to a righteous proceeding against a lawless and callous executive.

The people must brace these kitchen-sponge bipeds. They must be made to know, if they don’t win this, their careers are over. Their enemies will not relent, and they will have no friends.